He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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