tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
