dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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