Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize