Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
