Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
