$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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