I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
