This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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