my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
