I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
