I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
