So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
