Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
