you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
