is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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