You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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