Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize