I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
