matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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