For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
