She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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