Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
