remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
