I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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