Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I smell like Dick and happiness
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
