that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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