i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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