She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
