Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
