fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
