1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
