If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
