I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
