kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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