Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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