Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
