All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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