I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
