she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
