I accidentally had phone sex last night
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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