I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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