I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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