I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
