i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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