new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wish my penis had a tongue
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize