that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
