I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
