Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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