are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
