I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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