Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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