He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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