That's when you crack a 10am beer
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
