Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
