god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
