whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
