she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
