When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
