apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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