Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
