you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
