if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
