I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
