I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
