All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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