Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
