I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I want is dick and wine.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
