I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
