I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
