I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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