Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
